MRI

Wow, good thing I am not claustrophobic...the MRI tube is very small. I was hooked up to the IV for the contract material in my left arm, got my chest situated on the table, was inserted in the tube and then the vein in my left arm started to bulge. I was unhooked from the IV, pulled out of the tube, sat up and had another IV inserted in my right arm. Then repositioned on the table again and inserted. The MRI lasted approximately 45 minutes and was just a little too long for me since both of my hands fell asleep. I could not have squeezed the panic button if I had wanted to! The MRI made me very, very sleepy....not sure if it was the MRI, the contrast material or the relief from getting the procedure over with today.

I am meeting with the surgeon on Tuesday afternoon to go over the MRI and determine what kind of surgery we are doing. It will be nice to know for sure a lumpectomy is the plan. The not knowing is what gets my mind in fast gear with no brakes.

Eddy was great today.....designated purse watcher! Read the book I brought home, Breast Cancer Husbands: How to help your wife (and yourself) through diagnosis, treatment and beyond. Three cheers for Eddy!!!

Signing off for the evening.
Thank you everyone for your support and good wishes.

Peace of mind/Piece of my mind

Today is MRI day. I spent some time looking up photos of the breast MRI and how the procedure is done. Feeling much better now that I know what is going to happen and what the machine looks like (from the outside). Some machines have you go in head first and others are designed feet first. With all of them you are on your stomach with your hands up or at your side. Your breasts are in holes in the table for the MRI pictures. Some time during the procedure, you are injected with contrast material to enhance the tumor. There can be nausea associated with the contrast material but most people are fine. Eddy will be there for the MRI today, which makes me feel so much more comfortable.

I also looked up pictures, actual photos, of breasts with lumpectomy scars, not too bad. Looks like there will be a dent and two scars but not the misshapen monster my mind was creating. Apparently, I have a very active imagination.....must be why I like to read so much. I believe looking at the photos helped me relax about the lumpectomy (well, just a little). I was able to sleep all night with no assistance from the Ambien fairy! Yeah!

One good side effect from all of the stress....I've lost almost ten pounds. Eddy and I packed on a few pounds over the last year, which needed to come off. We are exercising daily and watching what we eat.

Time for me to get busy on business stuff.

Oh, the roller coaster ride called Cancer!

Things sure look better during the day! Phew.

I've actually been productive today. Did our payroll, cleaned up a little, worked on our employee handbook, did the dishes and reconciled our checking accounts. Very difficult to concentrate for too long, so I just bounce from project to project which seems to be working.

Thank you for listening to me.

Can't Sleep

Well....it is 3:15 in the morning and I am wide, wide awake. I was prescribed Ambien to help me sleep but don't want to take it every night (don't want to be addicted) and I only have 14 pills with four plus weeks to go before surgery. Should have had the pill because I don't think the warm milk is going to do crap for me.

I am very nervous about the MRI and the meeting with the surgeon on 3/4/08 to determine exactly what surgery I need. It seems that all the things I've hoped for lately have not come true.....think I'll let someone else do my wishing for me.

I Run for Life by Melissa Etheridge

My very good friend, Jen McHale Hall, told me about this song today.

I Run For Life
by Melissa Etheridge
album:
It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Every day that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast,
If you ask her why she is still running,
She'll tell you it makes her complete
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life
It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin
And they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning a lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for her soul
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her, remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers, running for more
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your daughter, your wife
For you and me my friend
I run for life
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for life

I AM INVINCIBLE

My theme song lyrics are added to the website along with a link to a You Tube video from 1972. Take a step back into time with Helen Reddy. Wow! The lyrics really hit home for me....I was even singing along, which isn't pretty but mighty good therapy for my soul.

Spent a great hour with an oncology nurse at the Katz Cancer Resource Center today. No one else in the center, so I had her all to myself. I asked a huge number of questions and got good information back. Life is just a little less scary today.

Sales pitch for the day: Remind a female friend or relative to have a mammogram and if you can, donate to the American Cancer Society.

Enjoy the video!

Breast MRI Scheduled

My breast MRI is scheduled for February 28 at 1:30 p.m. I believe that is the last test before surgery gets scheduled, but I could be completely wrong.

March 4th is another meeting with the surgeon, Dr Rose, to go over the MRI, decide on exactly what surgery is needed and schedule.

What a roller coaster ride of emotions! Happy the appointments are made, scared the surgery will be more than a lumpectomy and sentinel lymph node removal, sad all this crap is happening, mad that someone hasn't come up with a way to treat breast cancer that doesn't involve cutting.

Okay, back to the positivie attitude.

Today was great!

I attended a breast cancer support group today, yeah! It was small, thank goodness, since I am not good with group therapy stuff. There were just two of us and the therapist (normal amount of women is usually 3-6). I plan on going back again for the support group and just stop in the education center to talk with the oncology nurses.

When I came home this evening, Eddy had dinner ready! Yes, I said Eddy had dinner ready. He made oven roasted asaragus, sliced tomatoes and bonelss chicken tenders stuffed with smoked fontina then wrapped in ham. Absolutely fabulous....yum. My appetite has been almost non-existent lately but I ate almost everything this evening. I can't wait to see what else he comes up with for meals.

Still not sure when I am having the breast MRI since there was a little mix up with Camino Medical Group and some stupid requisition form that had to be the original. I should know tomorrow about the MRI but won't hold my breath for them to call me for the pre-registration stuff.

My mother is coming this weekend with soup and a big hug. We are also celebrating her husband's 75th birthday with a dinner out (his family and ours). Ron's daughter is flying in from Southern Cal as a surprise.....should be a very fun evening.

That is all for today. Thank you all for listening to me and for the nice email messages.

X-Ray & Blood Work Normal

My blood work and x-ray came back normal today!!! Means cancer isn't in the lungs or bones. Funny what ends up as good news.

My Worst Nighmare

I started this blog so my family and friends will have up to date information on what is happening with my breast cancer treatment.

Since the diagnosis on February 7th I have been keeping a pretty low profile with our friends. Eddy is doing most of the communicating since I am still struggling with the reality of the situation.

Today I am doing a blood test and a chest x-ray, then in the very near future I am due for a breast MRI (not exactly sure when that is happening). Surgery is going to be either 3/20 or 3/27 but possibly earlier if we cancel our trip to Maui. I have this incredible urge to get the cancer out as soon as possible and get what ever treatment I need started.

I am feeling scared, mad as hell, sad and frustrated. Why is this happening? Why am I the third person in my immediate family with cancer? Why, why, why????????? Just so no thinks I am going to go off the deep end, I plan on attending a cancer support group (first meeting for me is tomorrow). I am doing my best to keep a positive outlook but my mind won't stay focused. All I can think about night and day right now is CANCER.

Eddy is so supportive and is my rock.....I am so thankful to have his love and strength.

This is the information I know so far:
Tumor is 1.4 cm and is Invasive Ductal Carcinoma: The abnormal cells have moved out of the duct to the surrounding breast tissue.

Cancer is a Grade 2: Means it is growing at medium speed

Cancer stage is a Clinical Stage 1: This may change after surgery when the pathology tests come back.

Treatment: We don't know exactly what treatment I need until after the surgery. The plan is to have the lump removed along with a few lymph nodes in my underarm. The pathology tests come back and then a course of treatment is decided. I could just have radiation therapy but there is also the possiblity of radiation and chemo combo. Send out good vibes into the universe for just radiation....just say N O to CHEMO!